I don't know

I've known you for 24 days and it's like you're my life. I just don't know what I want anymore. What am I going to do after I graduate? What college will I attend? Will I even go to college? Life doesn't seem so simple anymore. The days where I've been dependent are coming to an end. It's time to start being self-reliant. It's scary to think that I'm going to be supporting my own family in the next 5-10 years. I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up.. What am I going to do to be able to support a family? I don't even know why I'm asking these questions because it's not like somebody can comment on this post, telling me what I should do. If only god had a blog... 

INDIE-vidual

I used to wake up and think twice about what outfit I wore. At this point in time in my life, I couldn't give a crap about what somebody is gonna think of me. I am me. Me is I. God made me and I will die. There is nobody else that has ever lived that is me. I'm different, ya I'm different. I am who I am and the only day(s) that I am not, Halloween and INDIE Friday. So kick me when I'm down and I'll break your leg.

Tequila

Whats on my mind? Pretty lady your on my mind and you got me going. Going where? I don't know but its crazy to think that its already November! And when I think about November I think about Cold weather. Blankets and Disney and Popcorn. Heart beats. Fogy windows and cracked wind shields. First kisses and thousands of stars in the sky, sitting around a camp fire with plenty of coats on, talking about the Saturday just 6 days earlier. Wait, that was the day we experienced the time of our life. You told me you loved me. I drove home on a cloud. I don't know what I would do without you. I cant live without you. Whats on my mind? Girl, you're on my mind. You remind me of December because in December, we threw snow balls at each other. And kissed.. Freak! I hate the snow. I hate December and I hate November. Because they remind me of you. I hate blankets, stars, fire, Saturday, popcorn and everything. Everything. Everything reminds me of you. I wish you could be wiped from my memory! Please, somebody grab the Tequila! Maybe this time, I might be able to pull the trigger. Its worth the risk of seeing if there even is a after life, because if there is,
I might see you again.

  

Popular names

Last names:

Smith

Johnson

Williams

Jones 

Wilson

Moore

Anderson

Jackson

Martin 

Robinson 

Thompson 

Lewis

Young

Nelson 

Davis

Boy first names:

James

John

Michael

David

Joseph

Jason

Eric

Steven

Timothy 

Andrew

Paul

Robert

Richard

Mark

George 

Girl first names:

Mary 

Linda

Susan

Helen

Lisa

Maria

Sharon

Michelle

Sarah

Jessica

Amy

Anna

Amanda

Joyce

Heather 

The Moon

Have you ever wondered if places like China are really even there?? Of course you know for sure if you've been there but seriously, if you've never actually been to China, how do you know for sure that it even exist. What if all the maps and pictures are just a bunch of lies?? For me, the only places that I know for sure exist are Utah and Colorado.

After thinking about this it takes my mind even further, what if I have been manipulated my whole life and there are hidden cameras and all of my friends and family are just actors like on the Truman show? Pretty scary to think about! Sometimes I really actually think that that is what's going on. 

Am I really actually going to die? 

Is death even real?

Is the earth really a spere? I know the moon exist.. and the sun.

Space camp!

I hope that I can live my life in such way that if a doctor were to tell me that I only had about a month more to live, I would be happy. I don't want to have to spend that month finding all the people that I put down and having to apologize. I want to feel like I fulfilled my purpose on earth and that I gave it all I had. I might as well go and tell that person that I like 'em because I'm going to die anyways. I just wouldn't want to worry about anything else besides spending my last days with friends and family. Also if I knew I was going to die, I would tell the person who was going to prepare my body for the viewing, to put my hand in the air so everyone could walk by and give me a high five for the awesome life I lived.

My deaths

When I think about the deaths in my life it's not all about loved one actually passing away. One of the many deaths that have occurred during my life was graduating elementary. Though at the time I couldn't of been happier to get out of that rat hole and move on into jr. High, but now, I wish more than anything to go back for just one day of elementry school. I feel like that is something that I have lost and can't bring back.

Recently, I moved out of the house that I spent 12 years of growing up in. It wasn't the biggest or nicest house and to be honest I hated living there. I felt embarrassed bringing friends over because all their houses were cleaner with perfect landscaping and not to mention but theirs were HUGE!! After moving out and staying in this house for about a week, I felt home sick. I missed that house so much! It was where all of my childhood memories took place and it was hard to move on.

I find it very strange that we talked about death in class this past week. I have never lost anybody close in my life until about two days ago when my aunt passed away after battling pancreatic cancer for two years. Right now it still doesn't seem real! It's just so weird to me thinking that I hugged and kissed someone goodbye a week ago and now they are in heaven. The tears are of joy because it was so painful seeing her suffer for so long.